Playing - Drops of Jupiter by Train
Thought - Where you used to be/ there is a hole in the world/ which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime/ and falling into at night/ I miss you like hell.
I'm in the mood for something a little longer
I was a little upset on Thursday... for some reasons. Math being one of them. But I was upset for various other reasons. I'm just. So tired. I just want to do something that I enjoy. Something that comes easily for me. Something that is second nature. I want to do Literature.
Cheryl asked me why I didn't call her during the depression period. Somehow strangely, I felt so touched. I guess it has never really crossed my mind to talk to people about my problems. I mean, to approach someone with a problem. Not recently anyway. It's just me. I used to think that maybe if I don't go around telling people my troubles and 'spreading' it, maybe it'll just die down. I don't know if that is intensely optimistic or pessimistic. I don't know. It really depends on how you look at it. More likely, in my case, it's denial. I think that if I don't face up to it, it'll go away. Running away. Because thinking about it is too scary. You open yourself to a lot of possible causes of hurt. And I don't want to be hurt.
That's why I often try not to think about issues that are probably the most important in my life. Like decisions. Like what I want to do in the future. Like what am I doing in business school when I'm clearly an arts/comm studies person. And to a certain extent, about relationships too. There are just too many avenues to be hurt and to be dissppointed. I act as though everything wonderful, but I'm a wreck inside. I don't know why I am doing the things I am doing. I don't know what am I planning to do next.
Why am I acting like everything's wonderful when I am so... lost? It's like that Everclear song.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them...
...I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
I hope someday I'll begin to understand myself and my actions a little more. Seriously, 19 years is a little too old for an identity crisis.
On a lighter note, I'm missing out on the Business School Alumni Reunion Dinner at Suntec. Dang. Should have gone, cause I didn't do anything productive in these couple of hours also. Watched a little bit of rugby and read a little of marketing. Missed out on a free dinner... haha. Oh yeah. I really really can't wait for the exams to end! That is such a duh statement. But yeah. I have to verbalise it.
Thought - Where you used to be/ there is a hole in the world/ which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime/ and falling into at night/ I miss you like hell.
I'm in the mood for something a little longer
I was a little upset on Thursday... for some reasons. Math being one of them. But I was upset for various other reasons. I'm just. So tired. I just want to do something that I enjoy. Something that comes easily for me. Something that is second nature. I want to do Literature.
Cheryl asked me why I didn't call her during the depression period. Somehow strangely, I felt so touched. I guess it has never really crossed my mind to talk to people about my problems. I mean, to approach someone with a problem. Not recently anyway. It's just me. I used to think that maybe if I don't go around telling people my troubles and 'spreading' it, maybe it'll just die down. I don't know if that is intensely optimistic or pessimistic. I don't know. It really depends on how you look at it. More likely, in my case, it's denial. I think that if I don't face up to it, it'll go away. Running away. Because thinking about it is too scary. You open yourself to a lot of possible causes of hurt. And I don't want to be hurt.
That's why I often try not to think about issues that are probably the most important in my life. Like decisions. Like what I want to do in the future. Like what am I doing in business school when I'm clearly an arts/comm studies person. And to a certain extent, about relationships too. There are just too many avenues to be hurt and to be dissppointed. I act as though everything wonderful, but I'm a wreck inside. I don't know why I am doing the things I am doing. I don't know what am I planning to do next.
Why am I acting like everything's wonderful when I am so... lost? It's like that Everclear song.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them...
...I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
I hope someday I'll begin to understand myself and my actions a little more. Seriously, 19 years is a little too old for an identity crisis.
On a lighter note, I'm missing out on the Business School Alumni Reunion Dinner at Suntec. Dang. Should have gone, cause I didn't do anything productive in these couple of hours also. Watched a little bit of rugby and read a little of marketing. Missed out on a free dinner... haha. Oh yeah. I really really can't wait for the exams to end! That is such a duh statement. But yeah. I have to verbalise it.
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