I don't know anymore

Maybe it's the PMS.

Isn't it weird how one word, just one word can make you re-evaluate everything good that has happened?

Even it may be said in a way that is obviously (I hope) jokey.

I don't want this too, I don't want to think about it. But honestly, it's affecting me more than I want to give it credit for. It's like a nagging bug at the back of my head. It springs up ever so often and I try to crush it down.

crush crush crush crush crush

Then someone says something, and the thought comes up again.

I don't want this too, but icannothelpit

Honestly. I think this has been nagging at me for some time already. Previously, I've squashed it like all other times, but this time it hits me harder than ever.

HARDER.

Than ever.

Why?

Why is it not you?

It's supposed to be you. All the time.

Why is it not you?

Why is it someone else who asks me about the things I'm worried about?

Why is it someone else who asks me 'Are you feeling okay?'

Why is it someone else who makes me laugh and cheer me up when I'm here typing this as I try to stop myself from crying?

Really, it's nothing at all, if you do read it you probably won't know who this entry is referring to. And I'm just being stupid.

Stupid.

This will pass into nothing-ness. We won't talk about it. We'll just forget about it, no one will bring it up, cause it's awkward. And we don't talk about awkward stuff.

And I will sound so damn stupid.

Elephant in the living room, at least, for me.

*Sane Chris whacks PMS-sy Chris on the head. Shut up la!!! =p It's genetic makeup ... (Thanks Mike =))