Actually have a secret side to my life. Wow. Made me sound v. mysterious, which is kind of exciting. But I’m a closet soccer fan. Yes. And am ecstatic about the world cup. Yay! But not a lot of people know my soccer side. Guess it was sort of hidden as do not really talk about it. Am a fan of ARSENAL!!! Alright! Is a fantastically fabulous club and favourite guy in soccer is actually Dennis Bergkamp. But also like Paolo Maldini, Emmanuel Petit (who is actually playing against Senegal as I type), Fredrick L…berg (from Arsenal, I don’t really know how to spell his name) and so many more!!! Ok, better go back to the match, it’s the FIFA World Cup opening game – France vs. Senegal.

Yay! Just some trivia thingy

Who designed the original ‘Little Black Dress’?
Answer: Coco Chanel

Can you believe it? Just after I found the perfect little black dress for prom, got home to watch ‘Who wanna be a Millionaire’ and saw this question. Maybe is a sign that dress is The One. Anyway, went to Yen at P.S. (Plaza Singapura, not Peishan!!) and saw a fantastically fabulous dress! It’s lilac and is a tube dress with a pretty flowered bodice. Is so gorgeous! Wore it and the shop assistant says it looks “very nice” and that it “fits (me) just nice”. Yay! Felt like a princess wearing it and looked like princess too. Haha, okay, must be humble.

The Little Black Dress (es)
Yay! Have found v. gorgeous prom style dresses in Mango and Topshop. Is so pretty and gorgeous that fell in love with it as soon as set eyes on it. Am not goiong to comment on how self looked in it, because it would be a biased view. But it wouldn't be that bad looking or else would not have loved it so much.

The one at Mango was a halterneck, V necked style black dress. Maybe saying V neck would not give the correct impression. How about this - cleavage showing V neck. Haha. Not that have any cleavage to show. But is so sexy and gorgeous and the swirly feel of the dress is so... how do I put it. Delicious. Delectable. Thank goodness was a halter, as made my (thin) shoulders look a little more broad. Yay!

Went over to Topshop and saw (another!) little back dress. Is a LITTLE black dress alright. Covers about 1/3 of my (fat) thighs. And it was a bareback!!! So Gorgeous!!! So... BARE! When saw it was like "Oh my heck! So bare! And am so cold!" In fact, some girls in the dressing area were staring at self (obviously not amourously as would have freaked me out). Not staring enviously either, but more like, "it's really bare!" That was the extent of it's uh, bareness. But feel gorgeous and sexy in it. If Topshop have played "Smooth" at that time, would have danced a sizzling dance to it. Haha.

Love little black dresses. Yay!

Really appreciated my net friend Tim for just chatting with me yesterday and today. Made me forget alot of unhappy things that happened. Thank you.
Sigh, think that spritual self is decidedly weak. Cannot seem to muster up enough mental energy to do anything apart from just lying down. And felt a need to cry. Then cried myself to sleep last night. It's like spritual cathasis or something because felt immensly better after that.

To Sam.
As was reading back on everything, suddenly felt v. saddened and everything. Guess was a culmination of so many things -- feeling sick and dizzy, headache (for like the first time in my life), the guy probs and such. Guess was feeling quite petty at that time, and feelin protective of myself. Then just typed it down as i thought. But purposely left out names as don't want to hurt anyone; knowing that my irritation would be short lived anyway. Okay, think everything is fine now. It is just some short lived thing.Ok, uh, ok.

Chris

Am sad. regretted ever starting the whole thing

When I started this journal, I promised myself -
1) Shall not hurt another person however irritated I am because it is a bad thing to do. May be frankly irritated sometimes, but not maliciously so. And definitely not intentionally so.
2) But will never attempt to try and mask my feelings as this is, after all, a journal for me to express myself.
3) The conflict between points 1 and 2 made me come to a conclusion that if I ever wanted to say something honest yet hurting, would mask my words. That is because irritation is normally short lived but the power of words could carry on forever. If I do not be so explicit, would probably better in the long run.
The words can mean anything and if someone choses to interprete it wrongly or in the way they want, don't really let that bother me.
So anybody can interprete my words in anyway they want. Have chosen to be implicit for my own principles and would be sticking to that.

Sometimes would wonder why ...

Why is it so hard to find someone that one really likes and that individual would like self in return. It's always either someone liking self (which usually isn't reciprocated) or self liking some cute stranger. Am quite tired of waiting and searching for 'the one' perfect guy who fits the bill (i.e cute, athletic, funny, kind and loves me .. in that order of importance). Seems now that is impossibe to happen. It never happens! At least, not to me. Can never ever find someone whom likes me and i like in return.

Am so melancholic and so sad! Am totally disillusioned with the idea of love.

Anyway, was shopping with mum for lingerie today. And was quite funny and a little embarressing coz the saleswoman was trying her best to be polite, I think. Thank god was one of the more upscale kinda shops around. Could just imagine buying lingerie in one of those neighbourhood shops... not that have ever shopped there before.

The saleswoman was v. nice, in fact. Think was cajoling mum to buy a G string, which naturally, she was quite against. The saleswoman was smiling and saying nice things for me. not that mum eventually bought any G strings for self.

And the mildly embarressing thing was, was chosing this gorgeous bra thing and mum was like, what's your size? and was like don't know, there are 32 and 34 (inches). Which should I take? And the saleswoman coughed politely and suggested I take 32, which is like the smallest size. Oh well.

Am assured worldly sophisticated woman (not girl!!!) of the world. am not so easliy swayed or influenced!!!

Am so experated, irritated... etc. Just cannot stand the thought of another person copying my entire style. Unwittingly came upon a piece of writing and realised that this person was semi-copying the way I write!!! Realise that am being a little overboard here but what is impt. to self is a sense of individualism and if someone else tries to take that away or copy it, sometimes feel protective.

Sigh. Maybe person just has no other style to adopt and chose self's? Maybe should be glad that am so influential? Not too sure about that. Must consider the fact that person in question is sometimes quite nice to self and maybe should loosen up a little. But am still protective of own sense of individualism in style of mother bird protecting baby birds. Suddenly feel maternal towards sense of self.

Weird. Am feeling maternal for self???

Sigh. Was in school for the Saintasia thingy today and it was like the boring-est affair that I had to sit through. I have no patience whatsoever. I mean, who has time to sit through like, people sliding on white plastic sheets so as to score some marble thingy for like, 30 minutes? It's not a question of patience, i think, it's a matter of tolerance.
And it's worse when the chripy chirpy counsellors decide "hey! come on! let's all stand up and do the lambada dance to show our liveliness and enthusiasm!" To a certain extent, it's perfectly okay. Beyond that thin red line, excessive enthusiasm is also known as craziness or fanatical-ism... or sth.
Anyway, our house got 3rd overall and the best event was probably the musical chairs, also known as "let's see whose butt is bigger and can push the opponents away" game. Hurray! For Lucas who made it into the final 12!!! Only to be let out of the final 8. Oh well, 12 out of 200 is not too bad. I'm quite sure I would have just made it into the top 198... or sth. The winner of the game was a *gasp* guy! It shows that guys can be v. kiasu and have huge butts too. Ok, I am not making sense.

Am so confused.

Had never been in such a confusing and uncomprehensible situation. Do I really like him or not? Or is he just a friend that am mistakenly confused for a crush worthy guy? What about him? What does his actions mean? Sometimes I hate being so unsure of everything. Unsure of my feelings and what do I ahve to do about them. But I hate being unsure of my feelings. It is like the worst kind of uncertainty there is, or something.

I hate it.

Am so gonna miss Ms. Kat. Tan!!!! She is leaving us for MOE soon and we just had this farewell thingy for her today. Cannot imagine Geography class without her. Just cannot visualise Christopher Lian walking down the row every morning and taking our attendance. Somehow, taking the attendance every morning has sort of become Ms. Kat Tan's job and cannot seem to visualise greeting a chirpy good morning to Mr. Lian. Sigh, cannot be selfish. Wish Ms. Kat Tan all the best.

Am quite exasperated by some friend. Sometimes, cannot stand her and her weird actions. If she thinks that I am easily swayed and manipulated, then she can think again. I can be stubborn, obstinate... no I prefer to say unyielding. Yes, I am unyielding. and am a feisty girl who refuses to bow down. Yes.

Am assured, responsive woman of the world and am not responsible for the actions of others, just the actions of myself.

Maybe it was too obvious.

If get a dollar for everytime I rush to the phone to see if he's called, could probably be shopping at Prada now.

Why I like the guy I liked. I thought about it. Here it is.

Why do I like the guy I like:
It all started when woke up one morning in mid February, slapped my forehead and went “oh no!” That dream was about him and me. That dream was suggestive. Anyway, the next day, was looking at him as he was sitting near self. There was something in the way that he sat, the way that he spoke, the way he laughed that suddenly seemed quite special.
I was changed. [Oh that sounds like Mandy Moore ;) ]

Went to the drama production yesterday and saw The Jerk performing. Was so pissed at him as he was the one that had to cheek hit my with a basketball and not apologise. and was the one who smirked at me when I was doing a presentation for the entire J1 batch. Idiot. But was quite a good actor, to say the truth. Am responsive, gracious woman of substance. Would not hold this idiot's actions against him as am v. generous and forgiving etc. Anyway, was a series of 4 plays and loved the first (more) , hated the second (changi). I mean like, who likes a play about politics? Was an okay thing after all.
Was quite pissed at someone but have already forgiven her as don't feel like being so petty.

Ugh, grouchy kok has this really black face the whole night. like, some grumpy old man, so cannot imagine him doing anything friendly. But was quite friendly (or civil) because was on the same train as him and NSL, and NSL waved at him. refuse to acknowledge him so after NSL got off the MRT, ignored him completely. Was v. surprised when he came over to say bye when he got off. Oh well, grouchy ppl can be quite ungrouchy at times.

Don't you just love Pretty Woman? It's my favourite movie of all time, like would watch it about 20 times in 6 months. Always cry when I watch it (though it is really easy to make me cry. Am ashamed to say that I cried even watching Terminator 2 -- the ending part when Arnie had to leave. That is so embarressing).
Especially at the part when Julia Roberts have to leave Richard Gere and the song "It must have been love" played. It would brawl my eyes out (Actually is quite disgusting to imagine one crying and the eyes poping out. Would be like horror movie).
Would love to be like Julia Roberts (minus the prostitute factor) and get a guy like Richard Gere

The Buffet Lunch

We (Me, P.S, Ming and NSL) went to Dragon’s Gate Restaurant for buffet lunch today. It is this really posh restaurant in the WTC. Anyway, it was really weird, the image of us there; we were in school uniform and during school hours and that was a posh restaurant. Guess it didn’t fit. We were so afraid of being out of place that we pooled all our money (all of 80 bucks!) and felt quite ashamed at our collection of 2 dollars notes and coins. We quickly went to the nearest coffee shop to change the small um, change to a larger 50 note.
Anyway, the buffet lunch was very good (and cheap! We just spent $50+). It was really good. I loved the mango prawn fritters and the century egg porridge. Was really bloated but stayed on in the restaurant as we felt we cannot ‘lose out’. The result was us staying for about 2 hrs, eating, eating and eating!!!
Haha. The twosome at the table beside us has left, and another batch of customers came. They were 2 guys and 2 girls. The guys (obviously the bizness men, executive types) were smirking at us!!! Is so irritating. Did they think we cannot pay? Impertinence! Anyway, we got more money worth as they ate less than us. In fact, the came after us and left before us! Haha. Take that, small-stomached smirking idiots!
Oh, we left later and sat in the lobby for about 15 minutes to calm our stomachs. And the funniest thing was that P.S actually vomited!!! She made this weird gurgling sound and rushed to the toilet. Is v. funny as before she vomited, she looked like, stoned and after vomiting, she was laughing immediately. Cannot believe it. I was quite okay, In fact, could eat more…haha!

Oh no, it cannot be true. Cannot be suffering from a sexual withdrawal. It cannot be because of him…

Am responsive, assured, confident woman of the world. I would not be influenced by the actions of others.

If you dream of Murder
It signifies a strong passion or emotion that is suppressed inside you
It also usually denotes a strong sexual need in you that is supressed or unfufilled.

What?

Think cannot elaborate. But am ecstatic. V. ecstatic.

Have you ever felt so close to a person that you feel that all your actions are in tune to theirs? That if you tuck your hair, they will brush their fringe off their forehead...or something? Or being so in tune that if you tilt your head towards their direction, they will whisper something into your ear? Oh so sweet. Am so glad as finally felt in sync with guy of dreams.

In another sense, guy of my dreams (who is real) appeared in my dreams!!! Apparently we were dating!!! Hurray! Is so exciting that I cannot help but gaze more at him (in school, of course) and keep feeling a need to kiss him straight on the lips. Yay!

Am in school now and feel a little sad all of a sudden. Isn't it true that is better to play it cool with your crush than to be absolutely spontaneous with them? Sam says that it is okay to be a little friendly and um... unrestrained. But not too sure. Maybe is like treating cute stranger met in bar - a little flirty, a little mysterious and a little um, sensuous.
Ok, shall endevour to be Christine, Mysterious Woman of, um Mystery

Ok, after a check with the friendly operators from Merriam-Webster online dictionary...
Shall endevour to be Christine, Impenetrable Woman of Mystery.
God that sounds disgusting in a sexual, perverted kinda way. Impenetrable, I mean.

The Depression
Must there really be a reason for being depressed? Isn't it supposed to be unexplained and inexplicable? And do I have to justify the emotions that I go through? I don't have to explain to anyone. Am not responsible for the actions of anyone else, only my own.

The Phone Call
Darn it. If only had answered the phone. Things might be different. Darn

All of a sudden, I feel very weird.
See, was sort of dancing to Santana and Rob oh-so-sexy Thomas's Smooth when suddenly this totally huge and shocking image came into my mind. Am thinking it is because of the music, it makes everything so suggestive and sexy and I feel like dancing a-la-coyote-ugly. To quote a friend, it makes me feel like stripping...ok. The image is of one of guy friend's and though I see him almost everyday, he suddenly seemed like this really delicious, delectable, tantalising mysterious stranger. Keep in mind that have absolutely no passions for him whatsoever (at least, before the song). And suddenly realised that he is dangerously, deliciously want-able! It's his eyes, i bet. Omigosh!!!
This is not real

Btw, here are some of the lyrics from Smooth. You have to actually listen to sexy Rob's vocals to get an idea of how sexy it is.

Man it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My Muñequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove

And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth

If there is something I hate, it is people ordering me about. Cannot stand it as cannot feel as if submissive to someone (unless that someone is a male, goodlooking, smart, athletic, and my boyfriend). Anyway, cannot help but feel that was ordered around by someone today and feel resentful. I am not one to be ordered about or do chores for people unless willingly. Am quite pissed. Shall take 5.

I know!!! Shall start 'Guy of the moment' segment!

Am feeling v. confused right now. Apparently, it is always the way with self. If not flustered, then confused. If not confused then in a state of turmoil. Maybe thinking it through will help. Anyway, had weird dream last night. Guy of my dreams came to my house and stood outside my room. Um... um... well, don't know what to think.

Oh…am feeling v. weird. Maybe it’s withdrawal (obviously not in the financial or sexual form). Am feeling a little suggestive… and the actions of a guy is making me nervous. In a good way. Nervous and exhilarated. Fwaw… he’s damn cute.

………………

Gaahhh!!! Cannot believe that I am thinking of him in this way. Cannot do it. Am. Not. Going. To. Think About. Him. Am not going to fantasize about him.

Cannot bring self to forget him though. Forgetting him is hard in manner of solving math problems, eating broccoli etc.

Is so funny. P.S told me she had a dream that involved her, me and my guy friend, Ben. So she was saying that in the dream, Ben mailed me two letters (snail mail) and confessed that he liked me!
Wahahahaha...!!! Is like, the funniest thing ever heard in life. anyway, the uncanny (and spooky thing is), went home to check my emails and wham! there are 2 emails from him!!! Is that weird or what. exactly 2! Is so uncanny and funny and everything...
really cannot bring self to think that self and Ben can be anything more than friend. Idea of Ben and self hooking up is eqivalent to hearing that Angelina Jolie has decide to date Billy Bob. (wait, that is true...), ok, Mandy Moore hooking up with Moses Lim.

Ohhh... beautiful surreal sounding oldies... Billie Myers 'Kiss the rain' .. 'kiss the rain, whenever you need me..." so romantic!!!

Am assured, calm, sophisticated, cool, collected, savvy, worldly woman of modern society. Am not going to allow shops to goad self into buying too many clothes and spending last dinner money on sexy pink-crop top-off shoulder-gypsy style top that was practically made for self. Buying it would be equivalent to allowing self as a test subject for “how many math questions can a human being do before they croak and die” experiment.

There was a Giodano warehouse SALE today and it was fantastic!!! The tops were as cheap as 6 bucks each!!! I bought 4 and only 4 because the other sizes were either 1) too large or 2) too ugly. Anyway, it was a real pity coz I wanted to buys the denim shorts that were totally cool and the sizes were SO BIG!!! The smallest was like 30inches (for the waist) and it would be totally hanging loose on me. What a waste. It was only 10 bucks each. WHAT A WASTE!!!
I kinda felt like an ‘Ah Soh’, bargaining and snatching choice tops and hoarding them for myself. I did buy a top for mum… it’s gonna be mother’s day soon and I think that top would look good on her.

Anyway, after that, we (that would be P.S, Sam and me) went to Parco Bugis and it was totally a patience fest for me… Shops have an uncanny way of knowing that you have just spent a bit of money on clothes and then decide to have a sale!!! Miss Selfridge has a sale, Ocean Pacific has a sale, B.U.M has a sale, U2 has a sale, G2000 has a sale, Esprit has a sale… I can go on forever. This really tests my patience as I try not to whip out my card and withdraw more money to buy more clothes. PATIENCE, Christine

1. Area chosen – South West USA
2. Write up on irrigation scheme in these areas.
a) Why was there a need to have an irrigation scheme in the area chosen?
b) How extensive was the scheme?
c) Describe the scheme in detail.
d) What are the benefits of having the irrigation scheme?
e) Compare the situation before the scheme and after the implementation of the irrigation project.
f) What are some of the problems that surfaced with the implementation of the scheme?
3. Write up should not exceed 4 pages (not including diagrams and any other illustrations)
4. Deadline – MONDAY!!!

Checking in again... the librarian is a bitch. Seriously. Am going to glare at her later when returning the card.

Maybe there is something about being above 45 years of age and not being married that makes these women paranoid and grumpy and unreasonable. Am praying not to be like her. Am hoping to have happily fufilled married life and not be like bitch librarian.

Ok, nothing much coz, nearly scratched my wound, the one that was healing.

Shall endevour, from today on, to be worldly, sophisticated, savvy woman of the world.
Am going to be like Bridget -- Aloof, Unavailable, Ice Queen.

Come to think of it, doesn't really fit the idea of a white lilies island. Aloof, Unavailable, Ice Queen, I mean. Idea of White Lilies Island is cosy and warm and friendly. Desn't really fit with the idea of Ice Queen. Shucks.

hi, i'm just checking in. Am in school now. Am totally bored. Am going to adopt Bridget Jones style of speaking...GAAAHHH!!

ok, for the more funny events of the BBQ. I couldn't leave that out or I would be quite biased to the BBQ.

I guess the most hilarious thing to happen is the fact that my friends and I were hoarding pieces of beef!!! Ah Ming and P.S were into this. We were washing the raw beef that we were about to BBq when it struck us to take the best pieces of beef available. Anyway, I cannot really disclose why they are the best, this journal is public after all. But let's just say we kept a very sharp eye on our pieces of beef... we even kept them in a seperate plastic bag. Ok, so we are sly, but don't everybody look out for their own interests?

If you really want to know, the pieces of beef that we hoarded didn't turn out to taste that good. In fact, it feels elastic, very much like rubberband. oh well.

We went to the beach later. It wasn't much of a beach, more of seaside thing. But the view of Malaysia from the causeway is pretty. The lights are so colorful and everything seems so, i don't know, serene. It is pretty.

:+:*Lost in thought, Christine*:+:

hi there, i am back here. the wound's much better and, well, not as gross.

I am going to talk about the BBQ that I had at a friend's home yesterday. It was a class event thing and well, I will be lying if I said I had the time of my life. It was an okay thing overall. I don't feel particularly ecstatic about it or anything, no offense to anyone, it is just me, I guess. But the weirdest thing is that in the middle of the BBQ, I felt like going home!!! It was like this homesick feeling just came over me and I cannot enjoy myself. I don't know why, but maybe it's seeing my classmates for too long a period of time in school and having to see them again at night just makes me feel like bailing. And I hadn't seen my parents for the whole day. It makes me sad.