Anyway, I just changed my photo on Friendster and a whole new batch of strangers messaged me. Maybe I should really change again. Bleah. But one was nice. He's a writer, and I read some of his writing. Amazing stuff, I tell you. Sometimes I wonder how someone can be so personal, so honest? How can you bear to write what is the primal feelings in you. How can you capture something so hard to understand and so fleeting? How can you bear to write something that might shock you?

I don't know.

Anyway, had a dialogue session with the Dean, the assistant dean and various other Business School office people yesterday. Talked a little to Lawrence, the Coordinator for the Career Services office and Asst. Dean Prof. Tan. Will be working very close with them in the next semester, so better get to know them better first.

MayI add that Prof Chris Tang is an absolutely charismatic and inspiring speaker. He talked to us a lot about opportunities and how we can pursue our career.

I just received an email. Regarding my post on the 23rd Oct. He/she asked me to pursue what I like to do, and make a good life doing it. I wished I'd talked to someone like that before I made my choices. Who cares about practicality 5 years down the line if you are doing something you hate and wish that you were doing something else, anything else.

Maybe I'll be okay. I'll survive.

Maybe it's time I started to fly.

HELP

Help.

I think I'm suffering from depression.

I Miss Literature.

I Miss Literature

I miss literature so much. So much. So much and so ridiculously that I'm actually quite upset right now.

Am I really such a realist? Did I choose bizad only because the degree would be more marketable than an arts one? Why am I giving up my interest, my passion, to be a realist? Screw it. I should have remained as an idealist, and pursue what I enjoy.


Literature is such a big part of my life. It has been with me since primary 6, where some of us were first selected to do some literature texts. Literature has been my life for 6-7 years; and now, without it, I feel strangely lost and disorientated.

Do I have the guts to switch faculties? Probably not. So what am I planning to do? Maybe take cross fac modules to make up for it.

You know how sometimes some phrases make you go 'Oh it's so cliche!'? Yeah. But until you really experience how it feels, you can't really say that. Like now. I finally understand the phrase - 'there's this gaping hole in my life that I cannot replace'

I would just like to add that Omg looks damn good today.He's too sexy. ;)

The Maksim Connection

Ok, I need to update on the Maksim showcase I went to on Friday.

It rocks. Maksim rules. :D:D

Thank you Mike for inviting me :D

Met Mike on Friday to go to the Maksim showcase at Embassy, and Maksim was amazing. Oh yeah, had wanted to go to dinner first, but unfortunately, I didn't know Stix closed down... haha, so didn't eat. Went to Embassy and there were so many people there!



Was contemplating whether to move nearer to the stage near the mosh pit sort of place, but stood a little further from the stage, thinking maybe the mosh pit was like out of bounds. Imagine my horror when the MC came on stage and said ‘maybe you guys would like to come nearer to the stage!’. Haha… I was too far away and the people just rushed forward, so I thought I’ll stand a little further behind on the steps and get a better view anyway. But I was so far from Maksim!!! Whine whine… It’s like, if I stood in the mosh pit, it’s up close and personal…with Maksim.

Oh well.

Before he actually appeared, some violin performance was on, and we saw him in the 2nd storey of Embassy, in the VIP room sort of place. It’s like a teaser; we could just make out the outline of Maksim, his silhouette, but it was a looong time before he came down. And when he did, he exuded so much charisma, and he’s damn tall. :)

Maksim was amazing. It totally blew my mind. I was praying hard before he appeared, that the performance would not disappoint, cause you know how some singers are very good on CDs, but suck in real life? Yeah. I wasn’t disappointed in his performance. If anything, I’m totally blown away.

Intensity, Passion are totally inadequate to describe the performance. It’s more than that. There was this force, and striking intensity which he plays the pieces with that draws the crowd in together in his world and made us all mesmerised. Mesmerised. His first piece, Flight of the bumblebee, was simply mind blowing. If you think his playing was fast forwarded in the MTV, you have to think again. It’s real. His fingers are that fast. And he plays with so much intensity. Every once in a while he’ll look and stare off in the distance, like there’s only him and the music. And the striking precision.

I was thinking that it’s already quite impossible to move one’s fingers at that speed, much less play the piece with such precision and accuracy.

And then he played 4 more pieces, and with the passion and emotion he puts into each piece, it’s just such an incredible and beautiful performance. In a way, I can imagine how he felt. The way he plays the final chords with a flourish and force. Because that’s how I always tried to play the organ…with a grand, dramatic ending. When you end the piece of music, you should be breathless, like you’ve just finished a journey, and it should be exhilarating. You should be so energetic. You should feel like you’ve just landed back on earth after flying up in the skies.

I don’t know… I can’t really put it in words. It is something one feels.

And because of that, he attracts me so much, and also why I respect him so much. Because he’s the embodiment of the kind of person I want to be.

Ok.
On another note, I am pissed. Haha… change of tone huh. It’s because I wanted to take a photo with Maksim, or at least get his signature or something. Went up to the VIP area after the performance and tried to talk to him. There was this barricade around the room and I could just see Maksim outside the room, taking photos with some people. He was a mere 5 metres away from me! And we approached the bartender, asking him if we could go talk to Maksim or get his autograph, apparently we went too late… which is true. Cause at first, we thought we couldn’t go upstairs, as it’s a VIP area, and he’s maybe doing some press event thing. Turns out he was taking photos with people who went upstairs. So I was already quite pissed with myself for not going up there sooner. Then this stupid woman who didn’t allow me to go in, met her friends, and ushered her friends in! And her friends were the last people to take a photo with Maksim, before he left.

I’m damn pissed about that, I tell you.

But I won’t let it mar my experience. I had a great time, I saw one of the most talented pianist in the world perform, and I was so near to him.

Maksim rules.

ARGH I am going to be so busy in these couple of weeks!!!

Must remind myself...

- Dialogue session with Dean Tang and Asst. Dean Tan
- Meeting with the NUS BS Career Office people
- Meeting with the S@S people (Note to self - don't get exploited)
- Business School Alumni Reunion Dinner at Suntec
- Meeting with Sub comm (set date)
- SE Meeting (Remember to ask Yantyng and co.)
- Marketing Presentation (in 2 weeks time)
- FA Project

It positively exhilerates me. :D

Hoho!

Experiment 1 - To change my picture on friendster to that of Maksim. :D:D Written on the picture of Maksim are the words 'Christine [heart]s Maksim.' Hee... lets see how many hits I get. Been getting at least 1 message per day from people I don't know lately asking me 'can we be friends?'...... And they say it's because I have a fascinating profile. Right. See if I still get any people asking me to be friends with my new photo.

I really like my new Maksim profile photo. :D (love love love)

Ok.
Something short before I head off to School of Design to work on my marketing project.

Maksim is sexy
I want to move to Croatia
I want to learn Croatian (or the language they speak there)
I have to marry Maksim

Bearing in mind the impossibility of that, I'll settle on shaking his hand and getting piano lessons from him

I am a hedonistic bum and I'm proud of it. So there.

Some stuff about my life. Now how does that sound for vagueness? Haha

I think I LOOK damn stressed. And I think I might be damn stressed also.

GraHh. See, I used to have something called Time. I believe I've lost it. And that thing called Life? Yeah, I've lost the happening part of it, so I only have the work part of it left.

No time! No life! No nothing! (See, my grammar and vocab might be missing as well.)

Ok. I have to relax. It's all about time management. Flow of life. Take things as they come (and dispose of them if they are unsavory). Karma. Zen. All that jazz.

Ok. If anybody icqs me about work I'll put their face on a porcupine. I'm serious. If I can find a porcupine, that is.

Anyhow, must really get to work re: marketing as is due on Monday. Fwaw... thinking of monday makes me happy. Listening to OMG present his marketing project will be really, something very nice. And also EC... will be in FA class also. Mondays I'm a happy girl. Maybe Tuesdays also. Oh yeah, Cher, Val and Larry saw OMG. Got er... very mixed results. I had to tell Cher very forcefully that he does NOT look like a china scholar. Does NOT. Hmpf.

Anyway, was nice presenting the marketing report on Monday as can look at OMG fully. Like in style of a very good presenter, you know, look at your audience in the eye sort of thing. Although it is rude to ignore the rest of the class and only look one audience in the eye. Hm.

Okay. Anyway, apparently I look super stressed, like Val, as told by Yingying... Haha... it's too early to be stressed yeah? We are only year 1s, for goodness sakes.

What with the extra stuff I'm taking up... it's crazy. I'm going to be super stressed, I swear.

Anyway, guess what time I slept last night... 1030 hrs. I'm not kidding. Val couldn't stop laughing when I told her that, probably cause she slept 6 hours after I slept... haha. 1030! Haha... Had a very nice sleep though, totally knocked out after I ate the cough medicine. Come to think of it... have been really shagged even when was in school. Very dazed and stuff. I think that came from drinking too much of the cough syrup... :\ Could barely drag myself up to the Dean's office to get some certificate stuff. It was as if the entire school was smokery. Slept all the way back on the bus... nice.

Anyway, I wanna get the skirt I saw at Zara!!! Screw the 52 bucks price tag, I'm getting it. Yeah. It makes me happy. So there.

Oh yeah. This friday is gonna rock! Mike's won tickets to Maksim's showcase at Embassy and he asked me along! Yes! Maksim! Man, if there is one guy who really rocks my world, it's Maksim. I mean, that guy's one of the bestest pop piano player. Ever! He's up there, with Josh Groban and Rob Thomas and Shane West in terms of intensity. I can't wait! Thankew Mike! :D

And yes, for that I'm going to skip the 2nd General Meeting of the 17th Management Committee. I'm sorry, but, I need a life too. HAhhahahaha.

Italina Jobs and anxiety attacks

Went out for a movie with Sam today. Italian Job. God, I'm glad I caught this movie cause it's so good! It was exciting till the end, and did not keep me wondering like 'When the hell's this movie going to end?' Haha... Really good movie. And I think Jason Whatshisname is cute. :D And Edward Nortan is as usual, very very good. :)

I had a scare when I went to meet Sam for the movie today. Was on the train when all of a sudden I felt I couldn't breathe. It's something that happens to me once in a while, like after a tiring workout or after running about. But this time I was just standing there, doing nothing. And all of a sudden I cannot breath, and I had to gasp through my mouth. And I was amazingly embarressed by that, so I tried to be inconspicuous about it. Couldn't take it in the end, so I walked out at Queenstown and called Sam, cause I think she has some knowledge about something like that, also because I was supposed to meet her... haha. She thought I had an anxiety attack or something... I took my jacket off and then went over to take a taxi over to meet Sam. She's so sweet about the whole thing, haha... and worried. I think I'm scared to death myself, but tried not to show it. Cause it's.... well, to admit it makes it so... I don't know. So real.

Thank god for best friends. :)

Anyway, it was fun catching up with Sam. And shopping around, like in JC. :) Stressfree. Wanted to buy this denim mini, but it was about 50 bucks and I don't know if it's worth it... Been thinking about it though, and I think I would buy it after all...haha. It's the insatiasable shopoholic in me speaking... :D And this really precious retro Audrey Hepburn-ish dress!!! :D:D Gosh... that's the cutest thing I saw... it's about 70 bucks but I don't mind buying it... maybe I can wear it to some dinner or something. Hee... It's something like this, but shorter... So cute...

Haha... better get to sleep soon. And maybe will go down tmr to buy!!! So excited

Okay... I'm feeling a little better. Just a little.

Thank you Hilary Duff. Yah... I know I'm not really into pop music like that, but I like the lyrics too much. So. It helped that I listened to this song. That's it. Some of the lyrics are quite dumb, but some others were useful if you want to just forget all your troubles and start anew.

Will post the nice, meaningful parts.

If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay

I am very sad right now

I just got my financial accounting results and I am actually trying not to cry as I type this. It isn't enough that I got lower than the mean score. I had to get one of the lowest scores among the cohort.

What is wrong with me?

It isn't as though I didn't study. I did. I think I even studied more than some of the people combined. Maybe I should admit that I don't do my tutorials. Maybe that's what dragged my down. Just called Sam and talked about it. We both agreed I should freak out over the results and do something.

Something.

This is freaking 20% of the final exam scores!!! 20%!!!!!!! 20%. One fifth. And I don't want to have to retake this module again, cause I'm already taking 5 modules per semester. At this rate, how am I going to cope with all the activities that are coming?

I think I need to rethink my priorities.

Finally!

Finally, a time to really blog. Have been really busy lately so didn't really have time to sit down to write anything, excapt for the really weird entry last night. Heh. I want to have a pogostick still though...

Anyway, today was a tiring day. I was late for school. Again. As usual. So what else is new? Haha... Wanted to stop at the Engine fac then change to bus B, but decided I was too late to afford that, so I risked it and took the bus to Arts. Had to walk that loooong flight of steps.

Oh yeah. Today was Anand's tutorial and lab session. Haha... Shuyi and Miaoling were saying how 'eyecandy' potential it is, so I was er... quite excited. Hoho... Anyway, I was late for tutorial (what else is new?) for 30 mins... and he wasn't even pissed. Think he's a v good tutor though, explains very detailedly. :D Ok

Then rushed to the Social Entrepreneurship meeting. Each team had to give a update sort of thing which I totally forgot about, and I was sort of representing my team. So had to go by memory. Haha... must really get down to work though, seems like a lot of work to do. Oh yeah, signed up for SMU's Social Entrepreneurship seminar too... I don't know... it can be quite interesting, I think :D

Then lab session, another dose of Anand... haha. But seriously though, he's a very good tutor. He's very detailed and comprehensive.

Anyhow, then had the FOP elections, which had just ended 2 hours ago. It wasn't pretty, especially for the bizad ball chairperson election. Thinking back on it... I didn't really ask her any killer question... I was quite worried that the question I asked might hurt her chances. But I think it really wasn't. Like... I felt so bad for her. To have to go for 2 rounds for Q and A, Motion of Confidence and still not get elected. It's really a blow. I didn't even dare to look at her as she came in.

Alright, got to go for to the MINDS home tomorrow for some volunteer work. Haha... all of us' gonna sing... KaiAn's playing the guitar. Hee... Got to go sleep cause getting up at 6 tmr.

Bleeahhhhh.

I want to ride a pogostick. Maybe I should go look for someone who owns one, or maybe buy one myself. I think a pogostick is a lot of fun.

I know I've caused nothing but trouble. I understand if you can't talk to me again.

I'm sad. Just so you know.

It's not of consequence anyway.

Blaaaahh.

I'm sad.

:\ Wahhhhh!

This entry would just comfirm that I'm a bimbo. :D Hahah...

I was upset today cause omg cut his hair.

Yes. You read that right.

Today was a good day. Mum drove me to school today. Was nice so I didn't have to jostle for standing space for 30 minutes on a bus with my lappie. Yup. And bought Delifrance for breakfast! :D Some satay chicken bread thing, some tarts and coffee. Gave the tarts to the FA crew and was proceeding to eat the bread when I realised I can't. Cause I'm allergic to peanuts, so gave them to weisheng hahah... sounds so mean huh, like I'm giving him leftovers or something.

All was nice up to then. Did the marketing project in the canteen. Was happy also cause got eye candy :D Hahah... Not my group members though, :D

Then came marketing class.

Marketing class. I got upset.

Omg cut his hair!

(Skip the next paragraph if you still want to retain a non-bimbo image of me)
He looks so good all the time with his old hairstyle! It gave him attitude and stuff! And he looks so detached all the time. And he has to cut his hair! :( Somehow something was lost. :(:( Used to love to go to marketing tutorial... I mean, really loved the class cause I liked the subject and stuff. And of course, omg was another factor. And now! :\ But he's still v cute, imo. Has gorgeous eyes and that laid back, detached air. And he still has it. How do I say it? Hm. Okay. I will stop now. I won't keep babbling until I let it slip that I think he's damn sexy.

He's damn sexy.

Alright. Anyhow, after marketing class, Ken said I was preoccupied and stuff. Asked me why. Told him that's cause omg cut his hair, that's why I was upset. You should have seen his face. He was like What on earth?!

HAha... had meeting with the standing comm too... quite nice, cause these people are genuinely interested, so it's great working with them.

(Yes I still think he's sexy)

Then went out with Cher, Kaian, Weiherng and Weisheng to eat dinner. Then met Sam at JP to watch Pirates of the Carribbean. Throughout the movie I had 2 questions. Johnny Depp is a hunk, why does he do this to himself? And. How can Orlando Bloom stand being so hunky? ok 3 questions. Can the camera zoom in as Orlando Bloom does the intense-stare-at-you thing? It's gorgeous.

Anyhow... shall go sleep now. It's 2 plus and have classes tmr. :)

Christine works real hard on her marketing report, and a short entry about friends

Can you believe it? I spent 4 hours today working on the marketing report at Woodlands library. Hahah... What's wrong with me? I'm becoming a no-lifer! No plans on Saturday (partially because of the tests and the marketing group meetings, but still. Maybe should have suggested some stuff when KaiAn called to ask if we wanted to go for dinner.) And Sunday was spent at the library doing homework? Oh man....

What happened to the Christine who never does her homework even during JC? (Except literature essays, of course, hahah). It's getting serious now, I mean, everyone around me are studying really hard. I've came to learn that with only 3 months for each module, I cannot afford to study at the last minute! So, yeah. I'm getting serious.

But I do need a life!!!

Anyhow, next week would be more fun, of course. Whole week's packed! Yes! Chris has a life. Woo... Am watching movies, going shopping and dinners... yay. :)

Oh, Cher called when I was at the library today. She sounded incredulous, like 'What are you doing in the library?'. So I told her and asked her why she called. And she was like, no lah.. just want to talk to you. Haha...That's so nice of her... I mean, it's like, between friends, you don't need any special topic to want to talk to your friend. Just like between friends, there is no need to talk everytime you are in the presence of your friends; silence can suffice. Does that make sense? Huh? haha...

Sometimes I think what would my life be like if I hadn't gone for FOC and met the friends I'm hanging out with now. It would be so bland. So boring. So unexciting. And also, what would have happened if I were successful in appealing over to Comm Studies in NTU. Maybe it was fate that I typed in 3 characters too much for the appeal letter, and it was rejected... ahhah.. and I was so exasperated, I decided that since I was given my first choice of Bizad, why the heck am I changing to Comm Studies? Maybe. I think of how close I got to not being where I am now. And it's like what Belinda Charles like to say 'No one is here by chance'

Ah well.

I just made a list... stating down everything I have to do next week. It's scary. I actually filled up one A4 size paper and I'm not even done yet for the week.

This is... exhilarating! Really... I can't wait till work really starts. :D:D

Hm... Must really think about learning to manage time better. Oh yeah... also make use of the USP room more... haha... :p Cher's a USP student so I can hang out there quite a bit too. And will be going to the HSS library or the Law library more frequently. Cannot keep hanging out at the Bizad canteen. Although it's really fun :) It's like, you sit there with your group of friends, and when some people walk past, and you know them, they stop to talk. And if those are friends of friends, you get to know them. It's quite fun actually.

Actually I really like the HSS and Law library. :)

Oh yeah. Also have to bring the lappie down on Monday to configure. Hm. Maybe isn't such a good idea as will be meeting the committee and will prob be wearing a skirt and strappy sandals. I've been putting off the configuring thing for the longest time... can't wait till the wireless is configured man...

I'm thinking. What is it about making a list that is so exciting? It's like, imperative, for me to make a list before I do anything or start the week. It's a list making obsession. :) Haha... I'm a very messy person by nature, so list making is... quite a weird thing for me to enjoy... haha.

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes Yes Yes!!!! I love you world!

Just checked IVLE. Financial Accounting is purely MCQ only. Yes! Yes! Yes! I know if problems and other er... what do you call it... account writing? Yes, that's it. It problems and account writings are involved, I'll be majorly screwed. Ok. This, though, does not mean I do not have to study so much, but I am not going crazy with worry anymore.

Hm, suddenly feel like hugging the computer as am quite happy as see the following words. "Format of test: Only multiple choice questions."

Suddenly feel that Dr. Chng is a very good lecturer and tutor, as is Dr. Zubaidah. Very nice, warm people. Although test format minuses 0.25 for every wrong answer, but feel quite haapy re: multiple choice.

Isn't it funny how the world seems so much lighter and brighter when you realise that you can cope with things?

Ok! Shall not procrastinate anymore!

The girl doesn't give up procrastinating

I just have to pop by and say how much more stuff I have to study by tomorrow, how worried I am about the tests and how happy I will be at 4 pm tomorrow when the test ends.

Got to go.

Procrastination

I said I wanted to study in school today. Then I got bored. Went home really early after lecture. Bummed around. Painted my nails. (yup, bright orange is getting too much negative attention and reviews... haha.)

I'm still procrastinating. Haven't been writing much lately due to the fact that I have 3 tests, so I'll come back next week with better, more worthy entries.

Night, folks.